A Small Terrace – The Source of Wisdom / Mala terasa – izvorište mudrosti

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Hot biscuits, homemade chutney, cream cheese and yogurt, waking up to the chirping of birds and the clacking of the train… That is how I remember part of my childhood spent at the house of my aunt and uncle.

mala-terasaThere’s something, certain intoxicating feeling, every time when in my memory rises the picture of a small kitchen in the basement where grandma through a miracle of life’s experience prepared herbal balm and winter food, which, if it were up to me, would never last till winter…

There is something I have never told to anyone.

You see, there, in that oasis of tranquility where the city noise does not reach, where you always hear the cheerful chirping of birds and where time passes more slowly still; there is one place where I have learned some of the most valuable lessons in life.

The place where ordinary people turn into heroes and as a result become forever a part of your life.

Terrace built by aunt and uncle, like the pace at which evolved, slowly and subtly became a source of wisdom. The point at which threads of the universe merge into a fine fabric which now seems an important part of my personality.

There are many lessons to be learned in life. Certainly many of them could I derive from each sitting on that terrace, but now I’d like to share with you that of which I feel the most important for me.

The day when my uncle passed away, my mind was overwhelmed with questions.

I asked the universe why it had to happen; he was a good man, devoted husband and even better son. I was faced with the meaning of life itself.

So what remains of him now?

Trivial and ridiculous are the ways in which we try to get away from thinking on that subject and like most people, I was not immune to this component of the human condition. But things of which you are running from have a nasty habit of catching you when you’re tired…

Of all potential answers to these questions, one was the loudest, most obvious, yet I barely saw it at first: “Love.” It is the core of life, it makes life and that’s what remains. It’s an anchor that keeps you from not being taken away by the tides of everyday life. It is the root that keeps you firmly to the ground against strong winds blowing…

And reality is beginning to have a lot more sense.

In the chaos of emotions, tears, anger and laughter I come back to the source. I am sitting on the terrace and through conversation with my uncle, sipping warm homemade mint tea, picked in the garden behind the house and I’m a witness of his transformation from an ordinary man into a hero.

As always, he’s laughing. Not laughing at me, just laughing.

One of the common occurrence was that I would tell him something and totally and emotionally invest myself into the whole story, so I could explain the urgency of the whole situation, and how horrible it is that this happened, or that…

And he would look at me with a smile and say something so obvious, so simple, that the word “hilarious” cannot even begin to describe my stupidity.

And I know he is right.

Moreover, I am convinced that he knew all the time, better than me, every single detail of my story.

“So how is that you, all-knowing just sat there and said nothing to me?”

The logical question, isn’t it?

“Would you believe me if I said anything? Would it have made any difference? Some things we must experience on our own, just to be sure.”

And I have nothing. I know that he is right.

Homemade mint tea has a special taste. I love the tiny remnants of leaves that accumulate at the bottom of the cup. Slowly and intoxicating tea evaporates and my hands are getting warm.

My uncle tells me I shouldn’t get that much excited about things, saying that nothing is that important. He is telling me to learn from his example and to choose how to see things in life and what my reality should be.

And it’s so obvious.

In all the years of my childhood, he constantly struggled with the disease and every time, after every crisis he could have become negative and perceive the glass as always half empty.

But he didn’t.

He chose a smile. He chose to love. He chose for his glass to be half-full.

My uncle is a fighter.

As the conversation continues, I come to know that love has the power to remove all obstacles in our mind and body.

At first there was a spark of that knowledge in me, starting from an intellectual understanding of love and then, just by him looking at me, it grew into a much deeper understanding of the same in my heart.

I’ve started to believe that love really has the power to heal all wounds and emotional pain.

That for sure must be the only thing that lasts beyond time and space. Yet how often do we forget to pay attention to love in our daily lives.

We forget that no matter what we do, the thing that really makes the difference is what motivates us.

Love and compassion should be driving forces of our lives and only then give our lives greater meaning.

Large bee springs next to me. I’m raving like a donkey trying to banish it. At the corner of my eye I am detecting that it is not the only bee that has joined us, and that another one is flying around my uncle and his cup of tea sweetened with honey.

Only he sits quietly, as if it is not there.

He tells me: “Be quiet, it will not sting if you sit still. It will go away.”

And away they went.

Again he was right.

I wonder how often we become caught up in a conditioned reaction of fear, ego, insecurity, addiction, anxiety, and how that can be enough to distract us from our ability to love? How often do those feelings create a sense of distance and isolation.

At that moment, the love within us becomes crushed by these thoughts and emotions of constraint. If love is in us unconditional, it flows towards our family, friends and all the living beings around us. To the bees flying around my head?

Why not?

Everyone of us needs to be loved. This is one of the deepest desires and motivations.

The feeling of love completes us.

To love someone unconditionally and openly receive their love is the most valuable treasure of human existence. We can only be true to self, by being full of love and happiness.

With his help, I find within myself a reservoir of love that is just waiting to be expressed.

And I get something else.

Love makes me strong and present in this very moment. But not only that. I also believe in the future and I’m at peace with my past.

Uncle’s passing taught me that the right time to love is now.

It’s funny how often we are not aware of it. As we do not think much about it during everyday life.

When you take away all trivial things that pose as significant, faced with death we ask ourselves have we loved truly and showed it enough?

By knowing this question, we already know the answer.

The silent one.

To be able to see this we need to gain much greater awareness of every moment we are in. To be aware of every thought, emotion and every belief…

My cup of tea is almost empty, but it is still warm.

The smell of mint tea is still filling my nostrils. Fine particles are still dancing on the bottom.

Uncle is still smiling.

I know what I must do, I learned my lesson. I don’t need to seek love, I will find it within myself and I will accomplish that by removing all the obstacles in my way.

The nature of reality amazes me. The one that we are witnessing every day is just one part of the spectrum of this amazing fabric of the universe.

The threads of existence to which I was not even aware of, are merging into me.

The terrace where my uncle had been transformed into a hero has become a part of me. And although it has been a long time since I sat on it and my life took me in the other direction, these words originated there, here, now, then, at that source.

I drink another sip of the tea. The remaining leaves gently crunching under my teeth.

A part of the uncle’s soul becomes a part of mine.

I understand that every hero has his power and he just gave me part of his own.

I have sat / I’m sitting / I will sit at the source of wisdom, a small terrace where I learned a valuable lesson.

I’m reading this article to my uncle and he is still laughing.

He knew I was going to write it.

I love you, Vita
Thank you for being part of my every thought…

___________________________________________________________

Vruće pogačice, domaći ajvar, kajmak i jogurt, buđenje uz cvrkut ptica i kloparanje voza… Tako se ja sećam dela svog detinjstva provedenog u kući tetke i teče. Postoji nešto, izvestan opijajući osećaj, svaki put kada u mom sećanju na površinu izađe slika male kuhinje u podrumu u kojoj je baka kroz samo čudo magije životnog iskustva kuvala melem i spremala zimnicu koja, ako je bilo do mene, nikada nije dočekala zimu…

mala-terasaPostoji nešto što do sada nikome nisam rekao. Vidite, tamo, u toj oazi tišine gde ostatak gradske buke ne dopire, gde se uvek čuje veseli cvrkut ptičica i gde vreme uvek protiče sporije, nalazi se jedno mesto gde sam naučio neke od najvrednijih lekcija u svom životu. Mesto na kome obični ljudi postaju heroji i kao rezultat toga zauvek postaju deo tvog života. Terasa koju su tetka i teča sagradili tamo je poput tempa kojim je i nastajala lagano i suptilno postala izvorište mudrosti. Tačka u kojoj se niti univerzuma spajaju u fino tkanje koje sada čini nezanemarljivi deo moje ličnosti.

Postoje razne lekcije koje su tu da ih naučimo. Svakako razne koje mogu izvući iz svakog pojedinačnog sedenja na toj terasi, ali sada bih voleo da podelim sa vama onu koju osećam kao najbitniju za mene.

Dan kada je moj teča preminuo, gomila pitanja je preplavila moj um. Naravno, pored pitanja zašto je to moralo da se desi i pored činjenice da je neka osoba dobar čovek, privržen muž i još bolji sin, ono što je bilo još prisutnije je suočavanje sa značenjem života, kao i pitanja oko toga šta ostaje od čoveka i njegovih postupaka u životu, posle smrti. Smešni su i trivijalni načini na koje pokušavamo da pobegnemo od razmišljanja na tu temu i kao i većina ljudi, ni sam nisam bio imun na ovu komponentu ljudskog stanja. Ali stvari od kojih bežiš imaju gadnu naviku da te uhvate kada se umoriš… Jedan konstantan zaključak do koga sam dolazio stalno, jedan odgovor koji je tako očigledan, a opet retko se desi da ga vidimo iz prva, jeste “ljubav”. Ona je u samoj srži života, ona čini život i ona ostaje. To je sidro koje te drži da te ne odnesu talasi svakodnevice. To je koren koji te čvrsto drži na zemlji kada duvaju jaki vetrovi…

I realnost počinje da ima mnogo više smisla. U haotičnosti emocija, suza, besa i smeha, vraćam se izvoru. Sedam na terasu i uz razgovor sa tečom i topli domaći čaj od nane, ubrane u bašti iza kuće, prisustvujem njegovoj transformaciji od običnog čoveka u heroja.

Kao i uvek on se smeje. Ne podsmeva, već smeje. Jedna od čestih pojava je bila ta da mu ja ispričam nešto i da se totalno emotivno unesem u celu priču, upljujem se kako bih objasnio alarmantnost cele situacije i to kako je strašno što se desilo to, ili ovo… A on me samo gleda sa smeškom i kaže nešto tako očigledno, tako jednostavno, da reč “urnebesno” ne može ni da krene da opisuje moju glupost. I ja znam da je u pravu. Štaviše, ubeđen sam da je znao svo vreme, bolje i od mene samog svaki pojedinačni detalj moje priče. “Pa kako si ti onda, sveznajući svo vreme sedeo i ništa mi nisi rekao?” Logično pitanje, zar ne? “Da li bi mi verovao da sam ti išta rekao, da li bi to napravilo bilo kakvu razliku? Neke stvari jednostavno moramo da iskusimo sami i da se uverimo u to.” I ja sam razoružan. Ja znam da je u pravu.

Domaća nana ima neki poseban ukus. Volim sitne ostatke listića koji se skupljaju na dnu šolje. Lagano i opijajuće čaj isparava i dlanovi mi se greju. Moj teča mi govori da ne treba toliko da se uzbuđujem zbog stvari, kaže da ništa nije toliko bitno. Kaže da učim na njegovom primeru i da biram koje ću stvari u životu da vidim i kakva će moja realnost da bude. I tako je očigledno. Za sve godine mog detinjstva, on se konstantno borio sa bolešću i svakog puta, posle svake krize je mogao da postane negativan, da posmatra čašu kao uvek na pola praznu. Ali on to nije uradio. Izabrao je osmeh. Izabrao je da voli. Izabrao je da njegova čaša bude na pola puna. Moj teča je borac.

Kako se naš razgovor nastavlja, postajem svestan da ljubav ima moć da ukloni sve druge prepreke u našem umu i telu. Znanje koje se raspalilo u meni krenuvši od intelektualnog razumevanja ljubavi pa sve do mnogo potpunijeg razumevanje iste u mom srcu, dobija ubrzanje u njegovom pogledu. Počinjem da verujem da ljubav stvarno ima moć da zaceli sve emotivne rane i razlike. To je možda jedina stvar koja traje van prostora i vremena. A opet koliko često zaboravimo da obraćamo pažnju na ljubav u našem svakodnevnom životu. Koliko ograničavajuće naši postupci i misli ponekad umeju da budu. Zaboravljamo da nije bitno šta radimo, već da su motivi iza toga ono što stvarno pravi razliku. Ljubav i saosećanje imaju potencijal da budu pokretačka snaga u životu i našim postupcima daju veće značenje.

Velika pčela proleće pored mene. Mlatim se kao magarac pokušavajući da je oteram. Krajičkom oka provaljujem da to nije jedina pčela koja nam se pridružila i da još jedna leti oko mog teče i njegove šolje čaja zaslađene medom. Samo on sedi mirno, kao da ona uopšte nije tamo. Govori mi: “Budi miran, neće te ujesti ako sediš mirno. Otići će.” I otišle su, opet je bio u pravu. Pitam se koliko često bivamo uhvaćeni u uslovne reakcije iz strahova, ega, nesigurnosti, zavisnosti, anksioznosti i koliko je to dovoljno da nas omete u našoj sposobnosti da volimo? Koliko često upravo ta osećanja čine da se osećamo daleko i izolovano. Prilikom tog procesa ljubav u nama biva zakopana pod težinom ovih ograničavajućih misli i emocija. Ukoliko je ljubav u nama nesputana ona kreće da teče ka spolja, prema porodici, prijateljima i svim živim bićima oko nas. Ka pčelama koje obleću oko moje glave? Zašto da ne?

Svako od nas želi da bude voljen. To je jedna od najdubljih emocija i motivacija. Kada se osećamo voljeni, osećamo se kompletni. Voleti nekog, podržavati ga i bez uslova otvoreno primati njegovu ljubav, može biti jedno od najvrednijih, najenergičnijih emocija ljudskog postojanja. Prilikom tog procesa, nastavljamo putovanje ka pravom sebi, punom ljubavi i sreće. Naša sposobnost da volimo je često ograničena ljubavlju prema samom sebi. Uz njegovu pomoć, nalazim u sebi rezervoar ljubavi koja je samo čekala da bude ispoljena. I kapiram još nešto. Voleti ne ojačava samo u sadašnjosti, nego i u prošlosti i budućnosti. Čini da verujem u budućnost i budem u potpunom miru sa svojom prošlošću.

Tečina smrt me je naučila da jedini trenutak da se voli je sada. Pravo vreme da ispoljimo svoju ljubav i pravo vreme da učinimo da se neko oseti posebnim je u sadašnjosti. Smešno je kako često nismo toga svesni. Kako ne mislimo mnogo o tome u toku svakodnevnog života. Kada oduzmemo sve trivijalne stvari koje nam odvlače pažnju, smrt donosi jedno pitanje: “Jesam li voleo dovoljno?” Jasam li svo vreme sa tom osobom iskoristio pokazujući svoju ljubav? Ovo je pitanje za čiji odgovor svi imamo ceo život prilike da se pripremimo. Odgovor koji verujem pravi ultimativnu razliku izmađu osećaja ispunjenosti u životu. Sve ovo zahteva mnogo veću svest o ovom trenutku sada, biti svestan misli, emocija i verovanja…

Moja šolja čaja je skoro prazna, ali je i dalje topla. Miris nane i dalje ispunjava nozdrve. Sitne čestice i dalje plešu na dnu. Teča se i dalje smeši. Znam šta mi je činiti, naučio sam lekciju. Neću više trošiti vreme tražeći ljubav, umesto toga potražiću i ukloniti sve prepreka koje sam izgradio u sebi protiv nje.

Zapanjuje me priroda realnosti. Kako ona čiji smo svedoci svakog dana je samo jedan deo spektra tog neverovatnog tkanja univerzuma. U meni se spajaju niti za koje nisam bio ni svestan da postoje. Terasa na kojoj se moj teča transformisao u heroja je postala deo mene. Bez obzira što je prošlo dugo vremena kako nisam sedeo na njoj i toga što me je život odveo u drugom smeru, ovaj tekst je nastao tu, ovde, sada, tada, na tom izvoru.

Ispijam još jedan gutljaj čaja, ostatak listića lagano krcka pod zubima. Deo tečine duše postaje deo moje. Kapiram da svaki heroj ima svoju moć i on mi je upravo darovao deo svoje. Sedeo sam/sedim/sedeću na izvoru mudrosti, maloj terasi na kojoj sam naučio vrednu lekciju. Čitam ovaj tekst teči i on se i dalje smeje. Znao je da ću ga napisati.

Volim te Vito,

hvala ti što si deo svake moje misli….

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3 Comments

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  1. Savršeno! Nestvarno! Kada bi samo vreme moglo da se vrati unazat. Ja često i dalje sedim na toj terasi, ali glavnog junaka i dalje nema……….. 😦 😦 😦

    Like

  2. Odličan tekst! Sve pohvale autoru.

    Like

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