Melting The Fabrics of Reality / Topljenje tkanja realnosti

— Skrolujte dole za verziju na srpskom —

“There’s so many of them…” The thought formed in my head. It flickered, and then went silently into the darkness from which it came. “There’s so many of them…” It tickled in my chest. I didn’t flew away, the warm touch of a hand on my cheek was holding me tightly anchored. I felt safe enough to look. “It’s a start,” wrote a smile in the corner of my lips. I opened my eyes for the second time and tastes before me have worked hard painting the map of hidden coordinates in my personality. “There are so many of them,” but this time I thought clearly. “I would be needing all the time in the world just to begin removing them!” The map was huge. Made of smells and tastes and it pulsed quietly with the soft light which made it seem like it’s spreading. On it, obstacles were clearly defined. Blockages that prevent me from free love…

eyes“You will not be doing it alone,” a new voice emerged in my heart. “Let me become the definition of your reflection.” And whisper flooded my veins. It started to flow through my body and it kept me warm. I opened my eyes for the third time and pulsed by the very roots of my being. Countless versions of me opened their eyes for the fourth, fifth, sixth time… And all have been looking into her eyes. “I feel loved,” I thought. My thought or hers? Is there a difference? The warmth in my hand diverted my gaze. On it, there was a ring. The trace of light that it have left on my face wiped all puzzling traces. It has always been there. Only, I didn’t noticed it until now.

“I love you,” I started to whisper. “I love y…” And before I could finish my sentence she placed down a firm kiss on my lips. Between kisses, she whispered words to me in a language that she for sure knew I do not understand. Yet. Those words rushed through my veins and they were so personal and compelling. I understood their meaning… I remembered the story by Hesse of a man whose love has burned it all, ’till it left nothing. And his beloved came just at a moment when he gave up everything. Even love. I think the story went like that.

She whispered me of her love. The words have turned into a torrent of erotic verses and promises. I sighed and answered with a bunch of nonsense that have found the place in the waves of her magic. She flowed through my veins and I started to realize that this bunch of nonsense… maybe… I’m beginning to understand them, to hear new forms. How silly am I. This is her language. And the fact of me speaking it, more and more ceases to be so foreign to me. Innumerable versions of me have been watching air above us with eyes wide open, where the tastes and smells printed vocabulary of light and color. The map was becoming smaller and smaller. Just enough to not be frightening. As if the heat of our bodies dried up the greatness of it. Just enough…

My sight was caught in her hair. It smelled of fresh fruit. Then my attention was drawn by magnified simple weaving of her dress that danced in the wind. All around us, the shapes were making love. Trees with a soil that held its roots firmly embedded, tree crowns with air and space that it occupied… All things became one.
I saw the pulsing of her heart in the frowning of her lips, and her throat. “It’s a start,” wrote out her smile. Her hands held me tight to herself without intention of letting go. And where would I go? All the roads now lead to her. She is the center of my universe, and no matter the darkness around us, we shine. We ran out of breath needed for words, there were no need for them. Our tenderness continued powering the light, marrying color to the color, reflection to reflection, soul to soul.

We’ve been watching us. Multiple fragments of my being, each with their own eyes, each with their own thoughts. “Our own audience,” we thought. We stood above us and watched the heat of the bodies that danced and reflected each other. “It’s time,” the thought flew through our veins. “It is time to build a new world.” And the crowd bowed itself. One by one, mirages grew closer to each other. The fragments merged into one another in a puff of hot smoke.

She stood in front of us. Hot smoke with eyes composed of countless eyes stood guard by my back. She stepped back and I ran my hands toward her, I did not want to let her go. She stopped only when my fingers tore through a sweet fabric of space around us. All the more I moved them, all deeply I penetrated mellifluous color and leaved a traces in the air between us. “We can open the door through worlds,” we thought…

We stood… We stood… I stood under the map woven of smells and tastes and locations were glowing on it. I understood I did not have to travel so long from one to another. I can transport myself to each of these in a moment, however hidden they seemed. That knowledge came completely natural. I can dissolve the illusion that I have so long accustomed to call the truth.

Topljenje-tkanja-univerzuma

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„Toliko ih je mnogo…“ Misao se obrazovala u mojoj glavi. Zatreperila je, a potom utihnula u tamu iz koje je došla. „Toliko ih je mnogo…“ Zagolicalo me je u grudima. Nisam odleteo, topli dodir ruke na mom obrazu me je čvrsto držao usidrenog. Osećam se dovoljno sigurno da pogledam. „I to je početak,“ ispisivao je osmeh u uglu mojih usana. Otvorio sam oči po drugi put i ukusi preda mnom su vredno radili slikajući mapu skrivenih koordinata u mojoj ličnosti. „Toliko ih je mnogo,“ ali ovog puta sam jasno pomislio. „Trebaće mi svo vreme ovog sveta samo da krenem  da ih uklanjam!“ Mapa je bila ogromna. Sačinjena od mirisa i ukusa i pulsirala tihom svetlošću zbog koje je izgledalo kao da se širi. Na njoj jasno izdefinisane prepreke. Blokade koje me sprečavaju da nesputano volim…

eyes„Više to nećeš raditi sam,“ pojavio se novi glas u mom srcu. „Dozvoli da postanem definicija tvog odraza.“ I šapat mi je ispunio vene. Krenuo je da struji mojim telom i greje. Otvorio sam oči treći put i zapulsirao do samog korena svog bića. Nebrojane verzije mene su otvarale oči po četvrti, peti, šesti put… I sve su gledale u njene oči. „Osećam se voljeno,“ pomislio sam. Moja misao ili njena? Ima li razlike? Toplota na mom dlanu mi je skrenula pogled. Tamo se nalazio prsten. Trag svetlosti koji je ostavljao na mom licu je obrisao sve tragove čuđenja. Oduvek je bio tamo. Samo, ja ga do sada nisam video.

„Volim te,“ krenuo sam da šapućem. „Volim t…“ I pre nego što sam uspeo da dovršim rečenicu spustila je čvrst poljubac na moje usne. Između poljubaca, šaputala mi je reči  na jeziku za koji je sigurno morala znati da ne razumem. Ipak. Te reči su strujale mojim vena i bile su tako lične i ubedljive. Shvatao sam njihovo značenje… Setio sam se Hesseove priče o čoveku čija ljubav je u njemu sagorela sve, dok nije ičega ostalo. I kako je njegova voljena došla upravo u trenutku kada se odrekao svega. Čak i ljubavi. Mislim da je priča tako išla.

Šaputala mi je o svojoj ljubavi. Reči su se pretvorile u bujicu erotičnih stihova i obećanja. Uzdahnuo sam i odgovorio gomilom gluposti koje su našle mesto u talasima njene magije. Strujala je kroz moje vene i počeo sam da shvatam, da ta gomila gluposti… možda… Počinjem da ih razumem, čujem nove oblike. Kako sam smešan. Ovo je njen jezik. I činjenica da ga ja govorim sve više prestaje da mi bude strana. Nebrojane verzije mene su širom otvorenih očiju posmatrale vazduh iznad nas gde su ukusi i mirisi ispisivali rečnik svetlosti i boja. Mapa je postajala sve manja. Taman tolika da ne deluje zastrašujuće. Kao da je toplota naših tela isušila svu veličinu iz nje. Taman koliko je potrebno…

Prelazio sam pogledom preko njene kose. Mirisala je na sveže voće. Zatim mi je pažnju privuklo uveličano, jednostavno tkanje njene haljine koja je plesala na vetru. Svuda oko nas, oblici su vodili ljubav. Drveće sa zemljom koja je čvrsto obuhvatila njegovo korenje, krošnje sa vazduhom i prostorom koji su zauzimale… Sve postade jedno.

Ugledao sam puls njenog srca u mrštenju njenih usana i njenom grlu. „I to je početak,“ ispisivao je njen osmeh. Njene ruke su me privile na sebe bez namere da me puštaju. A kuda bih i išao? Svi putevi sada vode njoj. Ona je centar mog univerzuma i bez obzira na tamu oko nas, mi svetlimo. Više nismo imali daha potrebnog za reči, nije bilo ni potrebe za njima. Naša nežnost je nastavila da napaja svetlost, venčavajući boju sa bojom, odraz sa odrazom, dušu sa dušom.

Posmatrali smo nas. Višestruki fragmenti mog bića, svaki sa svojim očima i svaki sa svojim mislima. „Naša vlastita publika,“ pomislili smo. Stajali smo iznad nas i posmatrali vrelinu tela koja su lagano plesala i reflektovala jedno drugo. „Vreme je,“ misao je prostrujala našim venama. „Vreme je da izgradimo Novi svet.“ I publika se poklonila. Jedna po jedna prilika, približavala se onoj drugoj. Fragmenti su se stapali jedan u drugi u oblaku toplog dima.

Stajala je ispred nas. Topao dim sa očima sastavljenim od nebrojeno očiju mi je čuvao stražu s leđa. Zakoračila je unazad i pojurio sam rukama ka njoj, nišam želeo da je pustim. Stala je tek onda kada su moji prsti zaderali u slatko tkanje prostora oko nas. Sve što sam ih više pomerao sve sam dublje prodirao u medenu boju i ostavljao traga u vazduhu između nas. „Mi možemo otvarati vrata svetova,“ pomislili smo…

Stajali smo… Stajali smo… Stajao sam ispod mape satkane od mirisa i ukusa i na njoj su tačke svetlele. Shvatio sam da ne moram da putujem toliko dugo od jedne do druge. Mogu se u trenutku naći na svakoj od ovih lokacija, ma koliko se one skrivenim činile. To saznanje je došlo krajnje prirodno. Mogu rastopiti iluziju koju sam tako dugo navikao da zovem istinom.

Topljenje-tkanja-univerzuma

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